You may think your business bio should be all about you. But, actually, your clients’ needs should be front and center when you write about yourself. A brief bio should not only make clear what results your clients will get, it should quickly get to the point.

Remember, people who are shopping for a service may not have a lot of time to dig through information. How quickly do you get to the point in your online bio?

The first few paragraphs of Maria Horstmann’s bio (below) deliver a lot of information. But is it the right information in the right place?

An excerpt from her “before” version

I blame a phone conversation with my mother in 2010. I was 36 years old then. Mom asked if I was dating anyone, if I had thought of how my life at age 50, 60, 70 was going to be if I stayed single and/or without kids. I told her I was not willing to sacrifice my quality of life for the sake of companionship—if the right person ‘showed up’, great. Plus, I was prepared to raise a child alone.

The conversation made me dig deeper inside and questioned how aging could impact my active and independent lifestyle. I went through family medical history (physiological and physical conditions) and my own health concerns. As a trained finance professional, I often think of the worst-case scenario and prepare for it. My thought was let me assume I will stay single, no kids, and be away from my family until I die.

In that case, what do I need to stay content, active, independent and maintain cognitive and functional health?’ My answer was ‘Health’.

Achieving and maintaining optimal health should give me the ability to continue to do things I love–socialize, play sports, enjoy outdoors, scuba dive, travel, and exercise. I grew up constipated, bloated, gassy, burping, cold sores, reoccurring external hemorrhoid, and with a serious addiction to sugar. I used to drink condensed milk out of a can. In addition, I have not been only a work alcoholic with strong work ethic all my life but also sleep deprived. Let me share a little secret with you.

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Does Maria’s profile draw you in? Can you tell that she’s a health coach? After reading it, do you know how she helps people or whom she helps?

Analyze her bio and select aspects that need changing, then see my revised version.